Really Trying...

A little confused

What to do, what to do

Thinking too much

I'm turning blue

Hate it when I'm like his

But I don't think there's a way

I wish to be happy

As I always pray

I do my best

But it just doesn't last

I don't want to go back

And be the "me" in the past

Sometimes I think

I want to be null

But then again

Everything would go dull

I try laughing with my friends

Hanging out at school

Playing games

But later back to drool

I tried listening to music

Even tried singing myself

I try reading books

Then return to the shelf

After trying and trying

I'm all worn out

Then my friends would ask me

"What's it all about?"

Then I keep silent

with no replies

Telling them it's nothing

But all are lies

I start to lose

My Self-confidence

And start to lose the faith

I have on my friends

I try to be happy

I really do

But then I think

Who really cares, who??

About me and School so far... and more about me....

Two weeks of school and I could say there are a lot of things that's going to come my way in the following days , weeks and months to come...

I belong to section IV-10! handled by Mrs. Sam who is also our English teacher, I have a variety of classmates and I'm happy about that, interesting and friendly teachers, there's nothing to complain yet right now about my school life, but the rest of my life? I really dunno...

In the classroom I become this happy-go-lucky, loves to laugh, participates in class and everything good but when I step out of the class or on the campus and out, I become this pessimist... And maybe that's what I love about school, being inside the class with my classmates make me happy, it makes me forget the negative side of my life and brings out the good attitude in me...

But hiding my feelings in class I should say is hard, smiling when you know you have nothing to smile about, I could cheer somebody up but not myself, I get my frequent stress and headaches a lot and argggh....

And when I'm with my friends outside the class, in the campus and out, I hate myself because out of everything that happened to me, I even forgot how to trust them now, The number of true friends I know to me could only be counted with my fingers, those who really care...

Let me share something... I am a dependent person, I have that "I could do things myself"(which I could)attitude but I really am dependent, how? I look for inspirations to live my life well, And I somehow don't consider myself one inspiration for myself... Before, I had an optimistic attitude, I had my family and my best of friends as the ones I live my life for, and when I realized and matured and also because of the happenings around me, I don't even know who to live my life for now, not even for me... And I would not blame my friends if they would leave me because of this attitude...

I'm a little confused at the moment, I don't really know what to do anymore, the worth of my cries are of little value compared to the fake smiles I give just to make my friends think I'm alright... I am a strong person but I have a weak personality but I don't really want my friends to worry but I can't control myself sometimes...

And now I am slowly realizing that I'm alone...
That I don't really have friends...
I give my friends the help and support I could give them, Why? Because at times they do make me happy... no, on second thought, not happy, they only make me laugh...
I'm not looking for anything in return for these things... But it's so unfair that how come when It's my turn to need them, I get nothing...

Right now there are only things that could make me laugh and a certain memories that only make me happy, I believe there's no reason right now that could make me give out that genuine "Nicole John H. Medina smile"

And that's why I really enjoy going to school...
I just wish there were more reasons for me to be happy...
And hate my self for being envious...

-=LiL.AnGeL=-
June 20, 2009

The only thing I'm good at...

Sacrificing, though I know it hurts so much already... How come being nice doesn't pay off as fast and effective as others do... anyways, just wanted to express myself...

-=NiX=-
Must be my shortest one yet...

King and Queen of hearts...

Wahaha, guess what! another bonding with TC! And this time, we went to Jill's House! One of those houses we've never have been to yet! But that went off at the afternoon already, during AM I had a jog at baywalk again, apparently my friends arrived late, from makati to baywalk, yup, it was a walkathon for me!

And when we got to Jill's haouse after every one met up after doing each other's personal businesses ^_^, we had a lot fun activities ^^ It involves playing Luksong baka, Monkey in the middle (Where I was really bad at!), and I also learned how to play different card games such as "Tong its" and "Pusoy", I was able to build a tower of cards using all 52 of em! hahaha... After everything we had a little rest and then we were ready to go again! We finished at about 6:30 ^_^

And not to mention Sparks were in the air!

Well, it was tiring yet fulfilling day ^_^ together with a few TC members, Jillan, Alex, Justin, JB, Ran, and me. Jill's couz was also with us then! Anyways, I'm not a little too inspired to write a lot right now^_^ I'm ganna start making a novel later! hahaha... And the most memorable cards of the day, the KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS....

-=NiX=-
April 6, 2009

A poem.. about me I guess..

It was a while
When I just asked
My dearest friends
A simple task

And it's to describe
Me, Me, Me!
But we made it tricky!
But that's just it how it has to be

Using an adjective
Describe me in one word
Positive or Negative
Just not absurd!

In a glimpse of a text
A lot replied
And as I read
I though they lied!

But it's just first glimpse
And they are my friends!
Just couldn't believe
There's no single negative end

They say I'm nice
Sure! Why not?!
They say I'm kind
Haha, Thanks a lot!

Adorable I am?
Maybe to some
But for me that's better
Than to be Handsome^_^

One says I'm comforting
Well I'm glad I am!
Though I don't try too much
Its good that I help them

One said I'm rather young
Why? Is it the face?
Alas! Just maybe
It's the energy and pace!

One thinks I'm dependent
But in a Positive way
Well, I think so too
I have to fix that someday

Negatives I don't see
So I asked again
A new rule to the twist!
Make me look bad (Oh Man!)

So give me an adjective
That suits me right
One that's irritating
But I won't start a fight

When one said I was nice
She said wait there's more!
"Once you get mad,
It's like a tigers roar!"

I laughed for a while,
Cause I know it was true!
But once I'm done with reds
It's back with the blue!

And together with young
was being naughty
Cause there are times
When I'm a little too bubbly!

And after all that's said
I guess I was satisfied
And those who replied
was sincerely gratified

But like they say
No one knows you best
But you and yourself
At that point, you're better than the rest!

But honest friends
I treasure dear
Cause they're my true friends
In the future near

And as we know our strengths
So does our weaknesses
Let's train to be better!
And let our friends be the witnesses!

^_^

April 5, 2009

Exercise anyone?!?

Well, today I'm a little guilty, because I turned down a friend's invite to go to an amusement park, mainly because I wasn't allowed to and It'll make me lose more money! But was allowed to join my TC friends in an Exercise in baywalk!

The day started out as waking up, and arriving in school at 7am! I really thought that a lot in our group was gonna come, and when I arrived, boom! Only Alex was waiting! So we had a chat while walking around, when 7:30 struck I just told him to tell the others to follow us at baywalk cause the announced meeting was 7:00. And so, since it was an exercise, we walked our way from PCS to Robinsons, and then to Baywalk! And It was a lot of talking too, I got a little bonding with one of my bestfriends. When we got there it was already a few mnutes before nine and we got tired! so we sat for a whilw and later on jogged.

And we were surprised that still no one else came so we just continued jooging and we had 4 rounds around baywalk! I uess thats an achievement^^

Later on it rained, we decided to go to robinsons again to have lunch, we caught up there with one of our members so he joined us too! After eating, a long walk again! From Robinsons, to Main(Jireh's House) and she treated us in one of those "Lugawans", and guess what! It's my first time then! hahaha....

And then we went to Kate's House, we ate, we played, we took pics, and the most memorable there was it was the first time I played Bingo! hahaha!

Today was a blast, I figured out that no matter how tired you are you'll never feel it whenever you're with the best of friends, and it doesn't matter how many you are, it's how you bond with each other. To tell the truth, a lot more things happened today but If I would share them all, a lot of time is needed! hehehe... And guess what! we'll have another one on Monday! It's like we are planning to be really fit for the next school year! hahaaha... Anyways, that's all for now!

Exercise is always good for your heart!


-=NiX=-
April 4, 2009

Another Date to Remember! March 31!

A while ago I couldnt feel my feet and my legs, and now, I could feel their pain. Hahaha, to start off, today is scheduled for our school's giving of cards! But what's more exciting is another extreme bonding with my best of friends, not only TC but with a lot more ^_^

First, I didn't have any sleep! hahaha, I dunno, maybe just excited! Me, my lil bro and lil sis woke up at 6:00 am to prepare ourselves coz were going to school to get and stare at our report cards, when we got to school I had to wait till 8:00 to get our card and I also assisted our teacher in doing it so for my dear classmates. After that, together with two of my friends went home already to change clothes to get ready for an experience we didn't know we would have.

We returnde back to school at around 11:30 and I ate lunch afterwards. And when we finished, we found out that some of the people we were to be with in MoA already went before us, so all that's left was the 6 of us^^(Me,Alex,Jillan,JB,Ran,Ate Clare) We wanted to ride a taxi already on going there. BUT Nooooo....! We just had to be so adventurous enough to walk our way there! We made it 3/4 of what we were supposed to walk there. And then it started to rain.... We tried to escape it through standing and waiting for taxi under a tree, and guess what, after around 20 mins, we finally had the taxi we wanted!

And after a few conversations inside the taxi cab, we finally made it to MoA, and coincidentally the rain stopped! hahaha... We met up with our friends (and I didn't know there was a lot of us!), and I think 9 of us decided we'd go Ice skating, some ate, some watched movies and some took a tour of the place. And so we started skating at about 2:00! Since it was my second time I could say I did well! It was quite fun and words can't define how much fun we had! And after all the fun we had, we barely noticed it was 5:30 already, we sat for a while and after a few minutes, we finally noticed the parts of our feet which were in pain at those times we were to happy to notice them. And after skating, I couldn't even walk straight! Hahaha...

Next activity? Watching the Sunset! Well, we got there already and I was quite sad because We weren't complete then, my closest of friends were watching a movie and they didn't know we were already watching a scenic sunset on the horizons. We waited there til 6:30 arried, we even had a little problem but after that, the half of the group decided to went home already. And so we waved them good bye and a safe trip.

After that we finally got the group complete! And we finally met up with the mother of the two of our friends who were with us whom they contacted while Ice skating since they didnt have any cash left, and then we ate dinner! A lot of conversations, jokes and laughs were shared during sinner and I should say we didn't notics, it was 8:30 already! hahaha....

And then we decided to go home na! But the fun didn't stop yet, we rode the jeepney together and we walked our way escorting our friends home and then we finally rode the jeep going back home. I came home at about 9:sumthin, good thing my parents weren't mad!

And now, here I am, In front of the computer at 12:04 writing about the marvelous experience I had the day before.

I guess this blog ends here^^
Oh yeah, Good Murnin Everyone!

-=NiX=-
March 31, 2009

Happy and Tired...

Well, today is something to write about I might say, Just got home while ago with a sprained, aching foot, sweaty look upon my face rushing to go home to make sure I won't make my guardians not to angry! I promised I'll be home not before three, I made a call and said I would go home at five, and when I got home, it was six.

Let's look at today's activities with TC, I left home at 6:30 to get to the 4th year's baccalaureate mass only to find out I couldn't get in, So I just decided to wait for the other members of the group. Went to McDo to help some of our friends in their party, we ate lunch at 12:00, while eating we were able to complete the group unfortunately Nielle and JD weren't able to come, we had a walk under the raging heat of the sun, At 2:00 we decided to go to Paco Park for some bonding time only to find out it was closed at mondays! So we stayed outside talking and sharing stuff with each other. We wanted to experience aircon after everything that happened so we went to SM Manila, when we got there we didn't really know what we'd do so we just bought some food and drinks, at 4:00 we argued whether to go to baywalk or not, and a member said that in going to Baywalk we'd cross the Luneta Park so we decided to just go to the playground in Luneta park rather than going to the Baywalk, we had a lot of fun in the playground taking pictures til 5:20, and it was there when I got bruises on my feet and may I say it was quite dirty at that time, and so majority of us needed to went home already so most of us decided to separate from the group, we rode the jeepney and the others continued their way to Baywalk. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, we went to all those places, BY FEET! Oh how glad I was when we didn't actually walked our way home! I was guessing my grandmother was a little mad already, and when I got home, I found out I was right! But I was happy to hear good news! Our teacher called at home to tell me that I needed to go to school tomorrow and I'm guessing it's for a recognition practice!

After everything that happened today.... I had fun! I was with my best of friends, and with them I can't bare to frown seriously, I want to thank TC for a great day that I didn't expect!

And now I'm tired, and I want to rest, but I guess it's too early for that!

Thats all for now ^_^

-=NiX=-
March 20, 2009

Jealous,,,

Well, I don't really know how I feel right now..

Today was an exciting and fun day... I had bonding with my friends, played games, and we had a good laugh. But at the end of the day I realized, all my friends, even my textmates, had their love lives going on at that time. It's like GOD was trying to tell me, go, be who you are and approach her, but no, I guess I ignored everything I observed from my friends.

One of my friends planned to have a date for that day after our bonding, One pair from our group are love birds already, One friend was being sweet with another person using her phone, Two of my friends who weren't with us at that time are flirting with each other sweetly, And I even got jealous of my friends who had Love problems, well at least they had something about love right? Well, and I was there, smiling the whole time, watching them being swarmed by ants.

Well, I guess if my friends from TC are reading this at this moment, you know my status.

Anyways, in the end, I ask myself, do I even have the guts?

That's all I guess for now..

-=NiX=-
March 19, 2009

True Confessions!

TRUE CONFESSIONS, THE HISTORY…. WAHAHAHA

It all started last February 13, 2009. The day before Valentines day, the day before our JS prom. Well, After the celebration of our teachers day, a lot were happy since it was a half-day and most 3rd years are very excited for the upcoming event, the prom! I caught up with some of my friends and we had a common denominator, we were all hungry! And so we invited our other friends, and little did we know, we were in McDo already.

We decided to eat upstairs, but when we came, all seats were taken already, but a good thing was, in the middle of the second floor, was well, a floor, and I broad one I might say, so you probably guessed, we sat on the floor and started to make noise, play, and started to order. While waiting for food, I introduced ourselves to those who doesn’t know some me yet, and so did everyone else. We ate and started playing a friendly game of spin the bottle…

TC, The confessors, The confessions!

Well, almost forgot, the first members of TC are: Nicole,Ran,Algem,Nielle,Kate,Justin,JB,Danna,Danae,JD,Alex and Jillan!

As we played, the rules were, to whoever the bottles points to, he shall be asked a single question, and he/she shall answer it truthfully and with full honesty. The questions were, let’s say personal. And so we promised to keep everything to ourselves. The questions started to become so exciting but there was a problem! Not all of us were too lucky t be picked by the bottle! wahaha, so we decided, in a clockwise pattern, we would ask everybody unlimited questions as much as we want to. And so the person to be “it” was on a hot seat, a very hot seat, why? a lot of confessions were made, and a lot were very deep secrets, trust me, I know. It was where I first shared sumthing I never shared to anyone else yet, and I trust them a lot.

And though this little group of ours started friendship and an atmosphere of sharing, trust and fun as well. Oh yah, and on our very first meeting, we started making titles of the different confessions we’ve made, and here they are but sorry if I couldn’t put the name of whoever’s confession it was:

“Hanggang khit kailan…”

“Ok lang…”

“Patuloy p rin…”

“Tatawagan q cia..”

“Mdami cla, pero crux lang nman eh!”

“Ung smile nia…”

“Crux ko c…”

“Kinilig akoh!”

“Ms. Libya…”

“Meon pero, dati na un…”

“Wala tlga eh…”

“Nagswa naq, iyo naq ngeun”

And as time passes, little did I know, our population was increasing already! haha… And that include Chum, Pam, RM etc.

This little group of ours is one of the most important and memorable parts of my third year life.

A message to my friends, Thank you! For being honest and thank you because I know I could trust you with anything! Hopefully we’ll be more open every single day that passes by, love you all!

-=NiX=-

March 19, 2009